Ode to the Erstwhile Female...

"I took a walk in the evenin' wind
To clear my head somehow
But tonight I lie here thinkin'
What's she doin' now"
--What She's Doing Now, Garth Brooks

See if you can follow: I'm Randy Johnson and she's Joe Torre. She's the best manager in baseball, I'm the best pitcher that was available in the off-season. After tooling around with several other clubs (Seattle, Houston, Arizona) with some great individual success (a handful of Cy Youngs) and a taste of victory as well (the 2001 World Series title), I've finally arrived at the ultimate destination to play for the ultimate manager and finish out my career. My manager is obviously quite excited to have me in town, putting me on the hill for opening day against the Red Sox and every fifth day from there on out, knowing that a consistent performance from the big lefty (that part's not too much of a stretch for me, right?) will mean good things for all involved. All I ask is for the ball every fifth day and some communication on the off days--making sure my mechanics are good, the arm's not too sore, that I'm getting along with my teammates and all that stuff. Being a good manager, from what I know, that's what I'd expect from her, er, from Torre. And remember that whole baseball season analogy from last week? Yeah, stay the course, let the season play out without worrying about winning every single start. If I win 20 of the 35 or so starts I'll make all season, it's a hugely successful campaign.
Now, this all seems ideal (and pardon me if I've gone way too far into this analogy, but there's still more), so imagine Randy's surprise when Torre decides, after just five starts (and an impressive 4-1 record, with an ERA under 3.00), to sit Randy for the rest of the season. He doesn't even tell his ace why he's not starting anymore, leaving Mel Stottlemyre to deal with the dirty work, and even Mel doesn't have any answers. Yes, there are other starters, and Mussina, Pavano, Wright and Brown can all handle themselves, but the Yanks just aren't the same without Big Unit, and Torre evidently can't understand that. So Randy just bides his time in the bullpen, hanging out with the guys and gradually coming to the realization that he'll never pitch for the Yankees again. It's a sad state of affairs, but eventually he'll have to go to Brian Cashman and ask to get traded somewhere that he can play. All he wants to do is pitch.
Okay, that was really long, I know, but I hope most of it makes sense. If it doesn't, here's the one-sentence summary: Things were great, and now she won't talk to me--for no apparent reason. I had fun elaborating on the baseball story, but the real one isn't so fun. However, as I've become better at not taking everything so seriously, I realize that there's nothing I can do about it, so I'm happy to move on and find a team that's going to pay me well and depend on me as the ace, know what I'm saying?
On a real baseball note, the Yankees' youngest starter among position players is A-Rod, who is 30 years old. The Twins, who have matched up with those Yankees in the last two post-seasons, will have just one starter among position players that's over 30--the 31-year old Shannon Stewart. The Yankees are going to be good, real good, but they're also real old, which means they're in danger of a Raider-like demise sometime soon, and the farm system has been bare for quite a while, thanks to Steinbrenner's penchant for high-priced, experienced talent (I trust you're still enjoying the book, Side).
Big weekend for the Bruins coming up, starting with Cal tonight (on your local FSN network) and then Stanford (on CBS, we're big-time) on Saturday. Winning both games puts us in the driver's seat for a spot in the tournament, but a loss in either will make it tough. Dijon needs to be closer to the guy that hit ASU for 39 than the guy who was held to 10 (on 4-of-13 shooting) by 'Zona. Far-mar, Afflalo and Shipp have to play a little more like sophomores and a little less like freshmen, and Hollins and Fey need to become males sometime soon. I can think of nothing more frustrating for Ben Howland than to be coaching two players as weak as those two big men. His Pitt teams were so tough, so physical, and these guys are the antithesis. At least Lorenzo Mata looks like he'll be a tough dude someday.
Speaking of tough dudes, Sheff is on the show tonight to crack back at all this steroid stuff, which should be very interesting. Do we care that all these people seem to have been using steroids? I think there's no doubt it taints the records Barry Bonds has been setting and will continue to set (if he is indeed guilty of such use), and it mars the Sosa-McGwire race in '98 as well (again, allegedly). I understand that MLB has been inclined to sweep everything under the rug to this point, as it wouldn't have benefited them to suspend either Sosa or McGwire during the summer that saved the game, and it wouldn't have behooved them to hamper in any way the increased home run totals that corresponded with dramatic increases in attendance. Chicks dig the long ball, remember? That being said, how can baseball's policy, even in its stepped-up state, ask for just a ten-day suspension (or whatever slap on the wrist it is), when the IOC (or whatever governing body does this) demands a two-year ban for any track and field athlete who gets caught? I also wonder what the difference really is between the effect of steroids and the effects of andro or any of the other, legal supplements that athletes take. Should steroids be singled out when there are other artificial means of muscle enhancement? I'm done. Back to write on Tuesday, so miss me.