Not Difficult

"It's so easy, easy
When everybody's tryin' to please me, baby
It's so easy, easy
When everybody's tryin' to please me"
--It's So Easy, Guns N' Roses

I really think I could be a basketball coach, and I don't mean at the girls' junior varsity level (which could honestly be the worst profession on the planet--I would rather be a garbageman or dress up as the rat at Chuck E. Cheese than coach girls' JV anything. Seriously). Did it really take an entire game plus a day off for Stan Van Gundy to figure out what Dwyane Wade needed to do? He struggled mightily in game one of the Eastern Conference Finals, going 7-for-25 from the floor against the nine-foot-long arms of Tayshaun Prince, but the biggest problem was that he kept settling for jumpers instead of playing his normal game, which involves taking it strong to the hoop like every time down. So Stan the Man (and Dwyane) made the adjustment, and the Flash exploded for 40, including a number of highlight film plays. Not that tough, right? The Heat game plan really only has two facets, and I'm sure that I could master both. If I'm mic'ed up on the sideline, here's what you're hearing:
"Okay, let's give the ball to Shaq in the post. Nice. Let's just hope they don't foul him every time. Now give the ball to Dwyane and get out of the way. Good job, fellas. Wow, nice shot Dwyane. Every once in a while, one of you other guys is going to get the ball from Shaq or Dwyane, so be ready. Udonis, dunk it. Atta boy. Damon, hit the three. Yes. Eddie, pass it back to Dwyane. Zo, keep being your obnoxious self--I can't stand you and your act, so I'm sure the Pistons are getting quite annoyed by now. Maybe Rasheed'll punch you or something, get kicked out of the game. Okay now Dwyane, take it to the hole again. Good."
I'm telling you, I could do this in my sleep--literally--and I'd be making a couple million to do it. By the way, in the interests of grammatical correctness, the above expression can only truly be used literally if you refer to something like having your eyes closed or breathing. Just so you know...
I am now the proud owner of "24" Season Two and Season Three on DVD, thanks to our good friends at the Fox Studio Store, who made said DVD sets a ridiculous $28 apiece (as opposed to the $50 sticker price on Amazon.com). I didn't really need the discount to convince me to make the purchase, but it certainly helped. I'm actually quite proud of the fact that I haven't even watched one yet (granted, it's been two days), but I know that once I start, as was the case with Season One, I won't be able to stop. So until the dark week I must wait...
I gave "The Shield" about a ten-minute chance the other night, and there's no doubt it deserves more than that. When it went to commercial, I flashed back to the Suns-Spurs game (poor Suns), and it was too good of a game for me to leave. I went back at the third quarter break, but by then I definitely didn't know what was going on, so I gave up. It might behoove me to get the season DVD's for this show too, so I can take it all in at once. I'm really not sure how much room I've got for TV shows, but we'll see if we can make it work.
Cash's discourse on the Ying Yang Twins was quite epic, and inspired me to read some of the lyrics that are espoused by these obvious geniuses. I know I don't have my finger on the pulse of the hip-hop world at the moment (I'm afraid my relevance in that world ended with "The Chronic" and "Doggystyle," circa the early 90's), but are you kidding me with these guys? They get paid to write and perform that crap? If females actually knew what these guys were saying, would they still buy CD's and dance to it at the club? They make 2 Live Crew sound like Michael W. Smith, my goodness. I will not be in the market for a Ying Yang CD anytime soon.
Read a story this morning about a woman who's suing the Colorado Rockies because she lost part of her leg in an escalator accident a couple years ago. What? I mean, I've seen Mallrats, I know the escalator can be dangerous if it isn't properly feared and respected, but losing part of a leg? Can any part of your leg even fit in that little crack at the beginning and/or end of the ride? Even if you got a shoelace stuck or whatever, it's not like the machine can just suck you in. Now, after actually reading the story, she evidently didn't get caught in anything, but fell down when the thing stopped and started again. The resulting injuries caused her to endure, and I quote, "11 surgeries, nearly 10 weeks in the hospital and the amputation of her left leg four inches below the knee." I'm thinking this woman wasn't in great shape heading into her accident, but maybe I'm just being callous. Hard for me to fathom such an injury taking place on an escalator, but again, not a year goes by--not a year--that I don't read about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid that could've been easily avoided had some parent--I don't care
which one--but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.
Kevin Smith rules.