Quick Questions

Why do we never get an answer
When we're knocking at the door?
With a thousand million questions
About hate and death and war"
--Question, The Moody Blues

Time for a few questions, rhetorical and otherwise, on this dark day Thursday...
- Is Landon Donovan the best player in American soccer history? Granted, he followed up Sunday's hat trick against Ecuador with a goose egg against Guatemala last night (he must have been afraid of their Guatemalan-ness), but the Sunday performance was unbelievable. Wearing the captain's armband, he scored on a volley off a bad clearance early, followed up with a nice conversion on a breakaway mid-second half, and capped it off with a thunderbolt from 25 yards out after a lovely ball from DMB (not Dave Matthews Band, though that would have been interesting to see him--or Boyd or Carter--roaming the left flank, but DaMarcus Beasley). It's not like we have this amazingly rich soccer history, countless players to put above him on the American totem pole, so I think he's probably number one or two (among field players, maybe Claudio Reyna would rank higher)...
- Is it ever permissable to put your t-shirt on before your underwear after a shower at the gym? Dude with the locker next to mine pulled this the other day, leaving me completely bewildered. I understand that the older generation feels very okay about nakedness in locker rooms, and while I'm slightly (vastly) more conservative on this front, I don't think I'm alone in assuming that underwear goes first, am I?
- Are HBO Sports documentaries the greatest things in the history of the world? First "Nine Innings to Ground Zero," and now this? If their headquarters could somehow relocate to Manhattan Beach, I'd be set for life...
- Is Greg Oden the only player in the Final Four to give credit to me for inspiring him to this point? Probably, but I'd say having even one person in that category is enough, right? From Rick Telander's column in Sunday's Chicago Sun-Times:
"The big fellow talked about his vicious dunks after the [Memphis] game, saying he had gotten fired up watching 'The Best Damn Sports Show Period' on Friday and witnessing the 50 best dunks in history."
Not bad, huh?
- Do youth baseball and softball coaches still write as poorly this year as they have in years past? Thankfully for the loyal readers of this feature (hmm, Side and Josh, maybe?), there's been no visible improvement. To wit (names not changed):
"The Rip Tide came up short in a wet and slippery 7-2 loss to the Barbie Dolls." - not sure I have any desire to know what this was about...
"The White Sox's offensive attack was lead by Christopher Walch, Andrew Nettles, and Jack Wilson, each had 2-3 hits to help score 11 runs." - the "lead" is one of my favorite (and most frequently-seen) errors, and I love the estimation in statistics--wonder if an NBA game article would go over well saying that "Bryant had 23-42 points, somewhere in there, and the Lakers won."...oh yeah, and "the White Sox's" is a nice touch as well...
"A severe Storm warning was forecast, with lightning-bolt pitches from Cox. The Nightmares showed up as expected, no fear from their hats to their socks...Hilsen kept her head down while at bat, as instructed by her coaches shout. Then Thompson played flawless shortstop, while Markowitz refused to strike out. So with fast speed in their legs, and dirt clods in their shoes; Nightmares aren't too bad, and for all that's good news." - Poetry, really? There's plenty more, but I've spared you from reading the whole thing...
"Great defense, particularly an inning ending web jem from Belcher also sealed the victory." - first of all, the fact that one of Belcher's kids (maybe?) made a play worthy of mention in the wrap-up is awesome...second of all, "jem?"...does this have anything to do with that pink-haired cartoon singer?...if she somehow made a play with little Belcher, then I want the video on YouTube right now, but if not, then we probably shouldn't be writing about it...
"I don't get it? This is not supposed to be fun. We end up on the losing end of a huge come-from-behind victory by the determined Dream Girls and our team comes running off the field smiling and laughing like they're at party or something. Maybe it was because of Tess's big hits and delayed steal home or was it because it was her birthday and the Stenzels brought lots of tasty cupcakes and sodas to celebrate...The only tears on the field were shed by our mascot, 3 yr. old Keaton, who was left out of the pitcher's circle cheer after the game. Both teams even did an extra circle cheer with him just so everyone was left happy. Maybe win or lose, this is supposed to be fun after all."
That's all I had time for on that one, since the editing took me like three hours on Monday night/Tuesday morning...good times...
- Will Jack Johnson be anywhere near as cool as Jack Johnson? I'm talking pre-"Curious George" Jack Johnson (such a sell-out). The hockey one makes his debut tonight against the Canucks, and while our beloved Kings' season has been over for, oh, about four months, they can salvage some hope (and maybe sell some season tickets?) over the next two weeks with Johnson, Patrick O'Sullivan and Anze Kopitar playing substantial minutes and (hopefully) providing a glimmer of hope for the future? Hope? Future? A Kings fan knows not these things...
- Is Kobe better than MJ? Tex Winter tackles this topic on Lakernoise. My take (obviously coming from a huge Kobe-lover): No. He's amazing, possibly the greatest scorer in league history (his streak this past week or so is more impressive than Wilt's, no doubt), and probably the best player in the game today (though he's not in the MVP discussion, and rightfully so), but he's not Michael. Nobody before or since has been like Michael. There's a reason everybody gets compared to him--he's the standard. I wish Kobe could assume a few more of Michael's traits, but it's not gonna happen. We just need Lamar to be more like Scottie, Kwame to be more like Horace...yeah, I know, not gonna happen...
- Am I the worst student ever? If you've ever asked yourself this question (and I have a few essays from my senior year of college that could provide a pretty strong argument in my favor), be relieved by the ineptitude (and humor) displayed by these students...
- Can the Bruins really win this thing? We're better defensively than we were last year, we have more offensive options, we have the same great coach, and they're the same team as last year, but haven't been playing as well. Plus, Florida's team leader is actually a lion, which may come back to haunt them at some point (hoping for Saturday, some crazy incident where he rips Al Horford's head off or something)...
- Who's going to win the Best Damn 3-on-3 Tournament this weekend? I'd pump myself up here, but I haven't played a minute of basketball since our Aviation High rec league team lost in the playoffs sometime back in '06. I feel like Tim in his "I hate basketball" stage, except I don't hate it, I just don't have time for it (in fairness to Tim, I believe that was the issue for him as well)...if bookies took action on this thing, I'd bet against my team in an h-beat...
- Any further questions?