Getting Smaller

"He said, 'I am but one small instrument'
Do you remember that?
So here I am above palm trees so straight and tall
You are smaller, getting smaller
But I still see you"
--Goodbye Sky Harbor, Jimmy Eat World

Another great song off Clarity, about which I learned something cool this morning. The song evidently refers to the end of a great book I read last year, John Irving's "A Prayer for Owen Meany." The mention of the book reminds me that I forgot to list two books in my "recent read" category the other day: Buster Olney's "The Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty" and "Fever Pitch" by Nick Hornby. The latter, as you are no doubt aware, has become a brand new Fox movie, starring Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore. We had Fallon and Johnny Damon (also in the film) on the show yesterday from the premiere at Fenway Park, which was nothing more than another lame excuse for that entire city to get together and celebrate one more time. And even with all the attention that the Red Sox connection has given this movie, it still sucks. Fallon is funny, but his funny only really works on talk shows and on SNL, where he broke character in every single sketch. You can't really do that in movies, and he looks like he's rehearsing the whole time, which isn't a good thing. Another reason they shouldn't have made this movie (besides Fallon's lack of acting ability): they already made this movie, in 1997, and it was very good. The screenplay for that one was written by Hornby, so there was little deviation from the original story, and Arsenal (one of England's four biggest soccer clubs) was the object of the main character's obsession. I'm sure Hornby made plenty of money off this adaptation, but it really didn't need to happen. Maybe I'm biased because I like soccer and because I really liked the original, but it's quite upsetting that such a bad movie has to bear the same title. Oh well.
While I'm thinking about it, a few other movies that never should have been remade:
- Godzilla: Matthew Broderick and Hank Azaria couldn't save this disaster. Godzilla is meant for over-the-top foreign films, poorly voiced-over English, awful special effects and thousands of fleeing Japanese people. He's not supposed to be realistic (and by trying to do so, they just made it worse). I'm still pretty upset that I spent my hard-earned money on this in the theater (it was 1998, so I'm not actually sure how hard-earned that money was, but I'll stick with it), but at least it kept me from wasting money on it as a rental later on.
- Psycho: I do love Vince Vaughn, but Anne Heche really scares me, and not in a horror-movie-should-scare-you kind of way. The main problem I have with this is that it was a shot-for-shot duplicate of the original, which means they didn't really RE-make anything! If you're going to go to the trouble of remaking a movie, at least put your own personal touch on it. If it doesn't need changing, then you probably don't need to remake it in the first place. Hitchcock was a genius, don't mess with it.
- Rollerball: Now I never saw the original, but I'm taking Sports Guy's word that it was a pretty good movie. And I know from the eight minutes or less that I caught of the new one that it is not at all a good movie. If something's going to be redone, it really needs to be good, making people forget about the original, or at least willing to compare the two ("The Italian Job," for example). Also, you really should know your movie's going to suck when the early part of the credits include the words "Chris" and "Klein."
- The Shining: Did this really happen? Did they really try to cast the "Wings" guy as Jack Torrance? I'm not buying Brian Hackett (definitely had to IMDB that one--the only character name I remember from the show is Lowell) chopping through the door and sneering, "Here's Johnny!" Jack Nicholson is the master of such things, and was amazing in the original, which certainly can stand on its own. I guess Stephen King gave permission for a remake, but it's a decision I'm sure he regrets. Bad form.
A delayed line of the night from Shaun Livingston (and the Clipper-centric nature of this award continues to expand), putting up 17 points, 8 rebounds, 9 assists (only 1 turnover) and 6 steals in the Clippers' second consecutive road win, 104-102 over the Bobcats. And oh yeah, by the way, he hit the game-winner with one second left after Brevin Knight had tied it with a trey. Lots of good things on the horizon for this guy, for sure. I sure wish he was a Laker...
Last night's line would belong to AI, who torched those same B-Cats for 48, 7 rebounds and 8 assists. Probably the second-best 6-foot player in the history of the game (Isiah being No. 1, but only because he's got championships), he's keeping the Sixers in the playoffs pretty much on his own. If I may break some grammar rules: He's literally putting Philadelphia on his back, and literally carrying the team right now.
A delayed congratulations to that vaunted Dodger defense, obviously improved substantially by the additions of Jose Valentin and Jeff Kent. At least they didn't need any defense yesterday; they just need Tyler Walker to pitch to them every day. The guy who's supposed to fill in for Gagne (nice ejection last night, by the way), Brazoban, was less than impressive in his work, but I'm sure they'll be fine. Pads rebounded from the opening day heartbreak to pound Colorado, getting a big day from B-Giles and a second consecutive solid game from Xavier Nady, who's only starting until Dave Roberts gets healthy. Looking forward to the division race...
Baseball numbers came out yesterday. Yankees total salaries: $199.77 million. D-Rays total salaries: $29.9 million. MLB average salary: $2.6 million. Seems pretty ridiculous, until you consider that the NBA average is $4.9. So why is the NFL the best league in all of sports? Average salary $1.33 million. It's not about the players, it's about the game...