Weekend O' Baseball

"We all got a little bit of something
We all got more than we bargained for
Got a need for something
But you and I we made it more"
--We Made It More, Ocean Colour Scene

I knew the weekend would be full of baseball, but it became even moreso (if that was even possible), and resulted in what would no doubt have been the worst three days of Suss' life--even worse than three normal days in Spokane, if you can imagine that. Thankfully, it was I that got to experience the baseball extravaganza--not him--so it was quite enjoyable. A few notes...

Friday:
I got to watch a few games at work on a semi-lazy afternoon, the first of which was the Angels-Red Sox, including a standing o at Fenway for returning hero Orlando
Cabrera. The second was the Marlins-Nationals tilt, featuring a great pitching matchup between Josh Beckett and Livan Hernandez (he shall be a Livan, and he shall be a good man). It took extra innings to decide (both guys gave up two and didn't lose), but I wasn't around for the finish, because I departed work at 6 p.m. for Dodger Stadium and an inside look at the epic Brewers-Dodgers rivalry. It's a good thing we (Dad, Sharon and myself) arrived in time for the first inning, because the game was essentially over after four batters. Jeff Weaver has great stuff, but he's so mental, and he always gets beat up early. Dad asked me about that very thing, and then Weave proceeded to load the bases and give up a grand salami to "El Caballo," Carlos Lee. Those who haven't had the privilege of watching this guy mash need to check him out, no doubt. The Weave settled down the rest of the way, but as Vinny would say, "the damage has been done." Other thoughts from the evening:
Worst pitching change: Lefty Kelly Wunsch came in for one batter and gave up a single to Lyle Overbay...the next batter hit a three-run homer, and the Dodgers were done.
Craziest play: Jason Phillips got hit in the head by a Bill Hall throw home. He was standing in the coach's box and dropped to the ground like a ton of bricks. He started to get upset, but there's no way it was intentional--a run scored on the play, so Hall was obviously just trying to throw home.
Funniest looking dude besides Weaver: Brewers closer Derrick Turnbow, who got the save throwing some ridiculous heat (96-97 on every fastball). Turnbow, by the way, was the first guy ever to get suspended for steroids, as a member of the Angels organization last year.
Worst decision by me: Eating an entire bag of peanuts in two innings. Still feeling it.

Saturday:
Normal Fox workday, one which I hoped would end relatively early, thus allowing me to escape to San Diego for the 7:05 Cubs-Padres game. I had the Giants-Mets (great outing by Tom Glavine, Giants still really suck. Really suck.), Rangers-Royals (career win number 100 for Park Chan Ho, Jose Lima looked awful--both his bleached hair and his pitching) and Indians-White Sox. The final game started late because of a rain delay, so my hope of a 4 p.m. departure was looking bleak from the beginning. I remember nothing about the game--I was looking at the clock the entire time--but it finished at 4:30, and I jetted out. Took me a quick two hours to get to the gas lamp district, but another half hour to navigate stadium traffic, park and walk to Petco. Met my friend Bill at the gate and headed in for the bottom of the first, Darrell May vs. Greg Maddux. I won't have much to write about the two unfortunate Padre games, so let's just say that Maddux is a great pitcher. 11-5, Chicago. Oh yeah, and Derrek Lee is AMAZING. Dude looks like he should never get out. I doubt he'll win the triple crown, because that's really hard, but he'll be close all year.

Sunday:
More bad news for the Pads, this time coming in the form of a 4-0 shutout by Carlos Zambrano and the Cubs' bullpen. He's good, even if he does throw like 150 pitches in every start and won't have a right arm after the age of 26. The Padres, on the other hand, decided not to be good, at least as long as I was there. Oh well, it's still pretty amazing sitting in Petco Park, sold-out crowd in attendance (lots of Cubs fans) and a ballgame unfolding before you. And oh by the way, there are more beautiful girls per capita in San Diego than anywhere else on earth. I firmly believe this. So yes, I had a great time, no matter the sporting outcomes. The drive home, on the other hand, was far less than a great time. With the mass exodus following the San Diego Rock 'N Roll Marathon (including two of my friends, Mike and Bill), traffic was ridiculous. Stopped in San Clemente to say hello to Mike B (and to grab dinner--a burrito from Rubio's) before heading home. I think this particular Rubio's has decided to violate state employment laws, because there's no way the guy helping me was any older than nine. Seriously. He could barely see over the register. And they serve Coronas there! What if I had ordered a beer (yes, I know this is a big if, but bear with me)? Would they allow the seven-year-old clerk to serve it to me? What if he got booked for a lunchtime shift sometime? Would the playground matron allow him to leave recess a little early to get into work on time? Would his first-grade class take a field trip to see him at work? Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating. Slightly.

Monday:
And of course, what baseball weekend would be complete without the youth summary debacles? My internet wasn't working when I got home from work last night, so I thought I might have an excuse to put it off this week, but it kicked into action just before I was ready to go to bed, meaning I was up way too late doing that thing...Here you go:

- "The Angels' loss to the first place Sox resembled many of the team's losses this year: too many walks and several miscues in the field led to too many gift runs for the opposition."
I was getting used to the overly optimistic view of games, where these coaches are endlessly praising their kids, but this guy was having none of it. Be a little more blunt, Coach, especially in the newspaper. I hear that little kids really enjoy reading about their failures in print. At least he didn't name names; that would have been awful (and I definitely would have deleted it): "We really suck. We lost, like we always do. Too many walks by Timmy 'Just a Bit Outside' Johnson and several miscues in the field by Joey 'Brickhands' Smith and Johnny 'Why Are You Even Wearing a Glove if You Don't Know How to Use It' Davis led to too many gift runs for the opposition." That would be classic.

- "The Marinrs beat a tough Angel team 9 to 4. Leading the offense was Aidan Apel, Andrew Park, Richie Maloof and Daniel Swick each scored 2 runs. Chad Nahigian chiped in with another run. Richie Maloof had 3 RBI'S and Justin Higa added 2 more. Brian Park pitched another strong game."
Do I start with the spellcheck or with the grammar nightmare in the second sentence? First of all, you should probably know how to spell your own team's name. If you're not sure, just look at your shirt, although you'd have to take it off to do so--looking in the mirror might confuse you.

- "the dirt devils bowed out in an internantional tiebreaker 6-5 to the blue crush. for the dirt devils the defense featured a throw from outfielder katie robbins to cutoff kelly trueblood who relayed to catherine horner for the tag out. also caley trujillo fielded a grouder at third and threw home for a force out. on offense trueblood added two bunt singles, claie mudoe drove in two runs with a double, becca whalen addede and rbi and sarah rubin kept a late rally alive with a clutch single. good luck to the crush in the fianls."
We're not talking on AIM here, Coach, it's okay to use upper case letters, like at the beginning of sentences or even for proper nouns (that would include team names and individual people's names, if you weren't clear on the concept). I'm also wondering what on earth an "internantional" tiebreaker is. Besides the misspelling, I've really never heard of this. Do you guys go to Mexico to settle things? I'd really like to know. Coach English Teacher also came up with "grouder," "addede" and "fianls," in addition to spelling one of his/her girls' names "claie," which I believe is short for "Claire."

- "FIRST PLAYOFF GAME. Red Sox 10, Dodgers 9. A root canal might have been less stressful...Brooks Ragsdale and Ryan Bohannon both got their bats on the ball but couldn't buy an error from a well-playing Dodgers team."
I love the creativity on this one, seriously one of the funniest things I've read this entire season. However, I'm not sure I appreciate the Coach's offensive strategy. So your boys "couldn't buy an error" from the Dodgers, huh? How about actually trying to get a hit? Hasn't that proven to be a more effective method of scoring runs? What does he tell them in the on deck circle? "Let's hit it right at them, guys, and hope they make an error." "But Coach, they've got the whole right side of the field stacked--there aren't even any fielders on the left side. Shouldn't I hit it where there's nobody?" "Good thought, son, but no. We're going to make those guys commit some errors, okay? Now get out there and hit it right at 'em."

- Angels 12, Cubs 11: loss (Coach Fuelling)
I couldn't have said it better myself. Seriously, this was in the playoffs, so your season is probably over, and the most you can come up with to give these kids some credit--despite their loss--is "loss?" There are different levels of disappointment I experience in the course of these stories, most of which has to do with the coaches and their surprising lack of language education, but this is a different type of disappointment. Say something nice about somebody, because this is the last time this year that these kids will have a chance to read about themselves. Instead, they get "loss." You're better than that.

As I was going through these, thoroughly criticizing all these adults who give hours of their time to volunteer with kids and coach these games, I felt a twinge of hesitation about continuing to call them out like this. I pictured the scene in "High Fidelity" where Jack Black's character gives this random dude a hard time in the record store because he wants to buy "I Just Called To Say I Love You" for his daughter. "Do you even know your daughter, because there's no way she likes that crap! Oh, I'm sorry. Is she in a coma?" His condescending tone is hilarious, based on the premise that he truly knows music, and get a load of this guy, trying to come into a record store and be hip--it's not working. The guy obviously gets pissed: "I didn't know it was 'Pick on the Middle-Aged Square Guy Day.' My apologies." Black's character, Barry, defends himself to Rob (the store's proprietor, played by Cusack), because the guy didn't know anything about music, so they wouldn't want a customer like that. I picture myself as a writing snob (like Barry was a music snob), willing and able to come crashing down on anyone who doesn't measure up (a group that obviously includes the vast majority of youth baseball coaches). However, I will readily acknowledge that if I tried to jump into the banking or marketing or financial worlds that these guys run in their normal lives, I would be similarly lost. I acknowledge my supercilious tone in these commentaries, but I still firmly believe that bad writing should not go unpunished.

Long day ahead. Peace.