Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Spoke Too Soon...

"But, wait, I spoke too soon
Ah, damn, look what done walked in
Pumps and a bump, breath smellin like gin"
--Let's Do It, Coolio

A quick response to the final query and the comment from yesterday's blog: After seeing Pam in person in the Avocado Room after the show (and having seen Leeann up close on numerous occasions), I'm in absolute agreement with Mr. Cash. It's no contest. Pam has obviously had plenty of work done, but it seems that now it's become a huge process every day just to make her presentable. I'm not trying to be mean, but "worn" wouldn't be enough to explain the current situation there. So yeah, I presented a debate when there shouldn't have been one. My bad...
Rascal Flatts, Mr. Big and Meat Loaf? Well, what a coincidence, 'cause guess who's on tonight's show? None other than the Loaf himself. He was actually pretty funny, and it gave us occasion to watch footage from one of his concerts pretty much all day ("I Would Do Anything for Love" seriously lasted 13 minutes), and he is quite the showman. I didn't know any of his other songs at all, but I still came away entertained. Respect...
This therefore becomes the first in what will probably become a more regular series of shorter, Cash-like blogs, based on the incredibly limited time I have to write during these new work days. It's only at the end of taping that I can finally relax and get to the important stuff...
Bible study tonight, led by our boy Drew, who just might be the most excited new Christian I've met in quite some time. The guy reads like ten books a week and he'll be sharing with us some thoughts about Ephesians this evening. Looking forward to it...

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Feeling a Draft

"San Diego (San Diego) that's where I'll go (that's where I'll go)
We'll watch the waves rise yeah as bodies glisten in the sun
San Diego sounds like fun"
--San Diego, Feeder

That would be the current theme song for Shawne Merriman, Luis Castillo, Vincent Jackson, Darren Sproles, Wesley Britt, Wes Sims and Scott Mruczkowski (in addition to the 19 undrafted free agents my beloved Lightning Bolts signed yesterday. What a great draft, the first-round selection of an admitted steroid user failing to cloud an amazingly productive weekend. Big help on the d-line, a special teamer/third-down back and some o-line help as well. I love it. Football season can't come quickly enough...
The end of the spring season at Aviation finally came last night, appearing in the form of a brutal second-half collapse and another loss to the top team in the league (ourselves excepted, I still feel strongly). Rough way to finish up, having enjoyed a 15-point lead at one point in the second half and proceeding to lose by five or six. Still, a blast of a season, playing with good friends and winning most of the time, and we're actually getting right back to it in a week or so, starting the next campaign. Struggling to move this morning (I couldn't even jog on the treadmill), my body is questioning such an immediate return to the court, but I'm sure I'll be all right with a little more recovery time...
Music that I need to hear more often: Rascal Flatts (re-introduced to me over the weekend by Cary, who is a big fan) and The Shins (that catchy "New Slang" song from the "Garden State" soundtrack is my favorite thing to play on guitar right now).
Music I'd like to hear less: Anything from anyone who has ever been on American Idol (I'm sure the Fox internet people will censor that last statement, but goodness gracious, it's true).
Game I need to attend: Galaxy vs. Dallas on Saturday (two straight wins with Landon Donovan in the lineup, and now they welcome the best strike partnership in the league: US National Team star Eddie Johnson and former Galaxy striker Carlos Ruiz).
Game nobody should ever attend: Any game in this Tampa Bay-Toronto series (not in the Stanley Cup playoffs--a regular season baseball set at the SkyDome). Seriously, have you heard of a single player on either team? Carlos Delgado? Nope, plays for the Marlins now. Oh well, nobody, I guess...(Suss, I just dissed baseball...)
TV show I kind of wish I was watching: The Office, with Steve Carell. I saw a few episodes of the original British series on DVD, and Carell is absolutely hilarious, so I'm sure this would be great. Plus, everyone I've talked to who watches it says it's quite funny, but I'm just not sure about adding to my list of two shows to watch during the course of a normal week (currently down to just one, because the West Wing season is over). I actually just looked it up to see when it's on, and it evidently follows Scrubs tonight, so it immediately becomes a possibility while I procrastinate Outlook editing...
TV show I'm glad I'm not watching: Battle of the Gridiron Stars. I know ESPN's struggling to fill slots because the NHL's been gone all year, but I really don't need to watch Alge Crumpler playing soccer against Peyton Manning or Chad Johnson knocking his tee shot into the gallery. Thanks for trying...
Upcoming "Best Damn" guest I'm excited about: Meat Loaf. Needs no explanation.
Upcoming Guest I'm not that excited about, because he gave me a ridiculously limp handshake when I met him at Abercrombie, accompanied by Jennifer Love Hewitt (who gave no such limp handshake): Carson Daly.
How do I choose between the two women in studio today: Leeann Tweeden and Pamela Anderson.
Off to "work."

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Triple Threat

"Gonna give everything that I’ve got
Till it’s over and victory’s won
No second chance - no giving up
Because no one remembers a loser
And I don’t intend to be one"
--Winning It All, Outfield

After getting used to a tame hoops schedule of one game a week, played on relaxing Sunday evenings, we've hit the playoffs and now we've got three games this week, which is certainly taking a bit of getting used to. We toughed out a win Sunday night (despite unnamed left-hander missing both of his free throws in the final minute) over the best team in the league (besides us, of course) and earned a first-round matchup with a squad called "Shark's Cove," from one of the other evenings (there are evidently three different leagues that run simultaneously, and they're all combined for the post-season). So round one was Tuesday, and despite another ugly effort, we got another ugly win (after a 15-14 halftime deficit--UGLY) and earned every bit of it. I reverted to my high school ways, drawing two charges (I don't recall taking even one to this point in the season), and somehow became a good rebounder down the stretch, something for which I've never been known. With the first round win, we advance to round two on Thursday night, which will (hopefully) lead to the semis next Monday and the finals Wednesday. The "Solid Dudes" (that's our team name) have indeed been quite solid in the past few weeks...
More hoops has meant less sleep, getting home at 10 or 10:30 and needing to unwind before getting to bed on both Sunday and Tuesday nights. Monday (our day off) should have been restful, but those old youth baseball stories reared their ugly head in unprecedented fashion. They took a full two hours to edit, and I wasn't even that picky about it, ignoring most of the ridiculousness from the genius coaches. I'm growing increasingly weary of those tasks, and despite the extra couple hundred a month it's netting me, I might be begging off those responsibilities sometime soon. It's just a weird dichotomy to come home from writing and cutting this high-end look at the weekend in the sports world (in a large sense) and start working on fourth and fifth grade girls playing t-ball. Tough transition...
A lot has been changing at work over the last few weeks, which has resulted in a promotion for yours truly, the release of several members of our staff and increased morning workloads, the byproduct of which has been a serious lack of blogging time. I might have to resort to the "More Cowbell" philosophy of getting in short thoughts now and then instead of full-length essays, but I definitely enjoy bringing it strong every time out. We'll see. In the meantime, the promotion has gotten me thinking about the initials "A.P." and their various meanings in the course of my lifetime...
- Anthony Peeler (1992-96): One of my favorite Lakers ever, the bald lefty from Mizzou, who has since gone on to toil in relative anonymity in Vancouver, Minnesota, Sac-town (remember the altercation with KG last year?) and now Washington. He played with Sedale and Nick the Quick, giving Chick three little bald dudes and more confusion than he's ever experienced. Even though we never won with Peeler, he'll always have a special place in my heart...
- Advanced Placement (1993-95): I possessed at one time a desire to place these kinds of classes on my college transcript, including Physics (Mrs. Waters, emmmmm) and Calculus (definitely dropped it after a terrible first semester). Got a 2 on my AP Physics test, which didn't really help much at all; in hindsight, maybe downloading Howard Stern clips with Charlie and Larame wasn't the best use of our class time and our "research" for an AP project on "the internet" (which was pretty close to brand new at the time). Thought about taking the German test, but I knew that would have similar results to its Physics counterpart, thanks to Herr Despard's penchant for not teaching ever...
- Andy Pettite (1996-2001): One of the staples of the Yankee dynasty (the one that ended on that fateful Gonzo-off-Rivera night in Arizona), and a great clutch pitcher. He's always seemed to be a great person in addition to his pitching prowess, and I like him even more after reading the Buster Olney book. It's too bad that his time in Houston so far has been so injury-riddled, but hopefully he'll be back soon to help Roger make a run at the post-season...
- Associated Press (2002-05): As I began my sportswriting career with the Outlook, I required the assistance of the Associated Press style guide, providing the guidelines for correct usage of things like "RBIs" and the difference between "All-America" and "All-American." Of course, the AP has also registered on my radar for much longer because of its sponsorship of one-half of the major polls in both college football and college basketball, so it is indeed a significant vestige in the sporting world...
- Associate Producer (this week): My new title. Kinda cool...
I can't keep asking the rhetorical question about how the Dodgers keep winning games like the one they stole from the Padres last night, so I'll just say that my frustration continues. NBA Playoffs on the horizon this weekend, but I'm infinitely more excited about the NFL Draft and the Bolts' two first-round selections. There are rumors that Mike Williams might fall all the way to the Chargers at 12, which I think would cause some serious craziness on my part. Putting him opposite Keenan, with Gatesy over the middle? Oh my goodness.
Dark day tomorrow, so I'm coming strong at work today and at our game tonight...wish us luck...

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Reggie Miller's Lookin' Good...

"Later, he gets the rebound
Passes it to the man
And boom goes the dynamite"
--Worst Sportscaster Ever, Ball State University

I'm sorry, this kid kills me. If you didn't click on the sportscaster link in yesterday's blog, please do yourself a favor, scroll down and check it out. I can watch that thing over and over and find new things to laugh at every time.
Speaking of bad sportscasters, I've recently been lamenting the dearth of decent sports radio in Los Angeles at the hours I'm able to listen to my radio. Granted, Rome is a genius and Dan Patrick is almost always entertaining, but they're on when I have no radio access (9 a.m. to noon and 10 a.m. to 1 p.m., respectively), so I'm essentially barred from all good radio. So here are my only real options, accompanied by the reasons I hate them (I will qualify the following criticisms by saying that I'm sure all of these individuals are nice people, and I hold nothing against them personally; it's their radio shows I can't stand):
- Mike and Mike on the drive from home to the gym (5:30-6 a.m.): Greenberg is perhaps the most arrogant personality at ESPN; it's obvious in the way he deals with people, and the stories from people I know that worked with him back up this perception. Golic is occasionally funny, but most of the time, I tune in and hear him ranting on a subject he knows nothing about. He knows about playing defensive line in the NFL, so if he's got something to say about Dwight Freeney (shameless plug for our guest host today) or Warren Sapp, then maybe I'll listen. I don't want to hear his long-winded (and wrong) opinions about LeBron James and the NBA age limit or about the Yankees' starting pitching. It's gotten to the point that if someone like Peter Gammons or Chris Mortensen isn't on (Mel Kiper was on this morning, so I listened for a little bit), I'll change it to classical music. That's only because the other early-morning option is...
- Van Earl Wright and Andrew Siciliano (formerly Tony Bruno's show) on this same 5:30-6 window: Van Earl's voice is the most annoying thing on the entire radio dial ("Good morning, ev-ruh-buh-duh") and Siciliano just likes to hear himself talk. There's nothing I ever like about this show, guests or otherwise...
- The Herd with Colin Cowherd, on the brief drive from the gym to work (7:30ish): Used to be pretty good, and I especially enjoyed the "Spanning the Globe" feature, in which they talk to reporters from all over the country, touching on issues relevant to that particular metropolis. I used to have respect for this piece, that is until I heard Dave Stone as the Los Angeles correspondence. Yeah, the same Dave Stone that is pretty much the worst voice on the local ESPN Radio 710. A quick Dave Stone sidenote: I tuned in early for the Angel game the other day and had to listen to Stonie blabbing on and on about Vlad Guerrero's statistics compared to Joe DiMaggio, compared to Ted Williams, etc. Numbers are interesting to look at (yes, even b***ball numbers, Suss), because they are easy to contrast with the eyes, but listening them just doesn't make sense (and he was reading everything, all the way down the stat line). So yeah, his presence on the Herd made me immediately question the validity of their other so-called "experts" across this great nation. If the rest of America is relying on Dave Stone to give them the inside scoop on Kobe or the Dodgers' off-season, then how am I supposed to trust Joe Nobody from Atlanta trying to talk to me about Ron Mexico? They're done...
- McDonnell Douglas, very rarely on part of the drive home (6:30-7 p.m.): My days have ended later lately, so I don't hear them anymore, thank goodness. If it isn't McDonnell going off on some L.A. team exec (none of them have ever done anything right, according to the Big Nasty), it's Krikorian laughing and faking his attempts to calm down the "Great White Father." The wise insights are few and far between with these two...
- GameNight on ESPN Radio, for most of my drive home (7-8:30 p.m., depending): Finally something worthwhile, but it comes to us from Bristol, not Los Angeles. They rotate talent a little bit, but John Seibel, Doug Gottlieb and Freddie Coleman are the regulars, backed up occasionally by Chuck Wilson and Sean Salisbury. I actually like all these guys, never too argumentative (McD/D), never arrogant (M&M), and always getting good guests (unlike the Herd), often from recently-completed games to talk about what's just been happening. That's an element of news that's somewhat important, you know, keeping people up-to-date on what's happening. My radio pretty much doesn't deviate from 710 on the way home (unless the Pads are on the Mighty 1090), because it's GameNight or the Halos, and that's not bad...
Short today, lots to do. Try to enjoy a Padre-less Thursday...

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

I Need to Know

"Because I don't know how long
I can hold on
And if your makin' me wait
If you're leadin' me on
I need to know"
--I Need to Know, Tom Petty

A few questions I have that someone out there might be able to answer...
- If you're Zach Braff and you wrote and directed a highly-acclaimed film and got a Grammy for executive producing the soundtrack, wouldn't you feel kind of weird going back for the new season of "Scrubs?" It'd be like Will Ferrell making "Elf" and "Anchorman," then deciding to return to the cast of SNL to do more sketches with Rachel Dratch. Or like Michael Jordan winning his sixth NBA title (and sixth Finals MVP award) on a last-second jumper, riding off into the sunset (figuratively), and then deciding to come back and play two years with a bad team like the Wizards. Oh wait...
- Who really thought that the cheeseburger pizza idea (now at Domino's) was a good one? Are there really people out there that are so indecisive that they can't make a choice between eating burgers or eating pizza? If you feel like a burger, go to In-N-Out or Tommy's or something. If it's pizza, call up Domino's (for a NORMAL pizza) or Papa John's (or visit Casa Bianca in Eagle Rock--mmmm). No need to be indecisive. Also, from what I'm told (by approximately 12 people after our new sponsor, Domino's, brought a ton of pizzas to the set and everybody--sans me--partook), it's the worst pizza of all time. If you really wanted pizza, it's not quite pizza, and if you really wanted a burger, it's definitely not that. Indecision evidently doesn't taste very good...
- Why is there a fire sprinkler located on the ceiling of the shower room at 24-Hour Fitness? The room has a tiled floor, metal-framed doors to the showers with glass walls, and WATER EVERYWHERE. Nothing even close to flammable, except the people, I guess, but I haven't known too many folks to spontaneously combust, especially not in the shower. However, in the odd case that a fire did start, say, on the cold tile floor (?!?), then do you suppose we might be able to find any water anywhere to put the thing out? Honestly, if someone threw a Molotov cocktail into the showers, there would be minimal damage, if any. Water puts out fires, or so I'm told. Now I guess this could be an emergency thing, like if all the water lines are messed up and the showers don't work. Oh wait, don't sprinklers use water too? Hmmm...
- Why are the Clippers so much better than the Lakers? This is somewhat rhetorical, I suppose, but the fact that the Clips have two point guards better than any the Lakers have is a start. The Shaun Livingston Line of the Day award: Shaun Livingston 15 and 10 assists in another Clipper home win. They're a game up on the Lake Show with four to play...
- Is "Panda Express" really Chinese for "yummy?" Side, maybe you can help with this one. I have heard Chinese words at various points in time, and none of them really sound like "Panda" or "Express," but I've been wrong before...
- Has everyone seen the Ball State sportscaster? The poor kid is hilarious (very unintentionally so), losing his place on the prompter about a hundred times, mispronouncing names, probably losing his job. But he does get his SportsCenter catch phrase into the Pacers highlight (listen closely to that part; it's priceless). We're trying to get the clip cleared to play for the show...
That's six questions, hopefully enough to ponder throughout the day. Now, just a quick quote from Plaschke's column on the Dodgers this morning--he gets it: "This is a pain-in-the-butt team. Literally. The new wooden dugout benches? They are regularly delivering splinters into the back of the players' pants, and you can fill in your own joke." Nice job there, Billy.
Bible study tonight, which continues a good week for me in a lot of ways. Something popped into my head during a prayer at Bel Air Sunday morning that seemed so simple, yet so profound. My life needs to be about wanting to please God more than I want to please myself. It's idealistic and naive (Evian spelled backwards) to think that I can be that way all the time, but it's been refreshing to have that mindset when I'm making choices or just going about my normal day. It affects tiny things, like the way I approach my (limited) free time or the way I handle an inept subordinate at work, and big things, like the grander goals I have for my life and the people with whom I choose to spend time. I've really already seen the effect of thinking that way several times this week, so I'm encouraged that it will only grow from here. That's my deep thought for the day, and now I can get to my mental preparation for a wonderful day/night doubleheader between the Pads and the Cubbies--Peavy vs. Wood in game one, Prior (making his season debut) vs. the Bulldog (Brian Lawrence) in the nightcap. Again, the b-word is not mentioned. Respect.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Manic Tuesday?

"It's just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my funday
An I-don't-have-to-run day
It's just another manic Monday"
--Manic Monday, The Bangles

Why don't the Bangles get more love? They brought us this favorite, along with "Eternal Flame," "Walk Like an Egyptian" (that was kinda weird), a great "Hazy Shade of Winter" cover, and, so maybe they weren't the Go-Go's (who of course produced the solo act that was Belinda Carlisle of "Heaven is a Place on Earth" fame), but they were still great.
Okay, so I know it's not Monday, but the reason I'm writing on Tuesday is that Mondays no longer allow me even five minutes of free time to write; it's getting ridiculous. Today, on the other hand, I've already been able to glog twice, I'm currently blogging, and I'll have some time to read this script that my friend sent over yesterday, a movie I'm hoping to help get produced, but we'll see how that goes. I really like the story, and the Professor (Grayson Boucher) from And-1 is slated to play the lead, which got my attention right away. Rick Fox is attached to the project, and And-1 has agreed to do a bunch of back-end promotion, so for now, it's a matter of getting it to the right people (read: people with cash) and making sure it's a viable enterprise for them (and for us). Hopefully something good comes out of it.
A different weekend for me, since I'm accustomed to sitting out most weekend nights in the interest of rest and recovery from the long week. Instead, I decided to go out both Friday and Saturday, with mixed results. Went out to the pier on Friday, localized at Patrick Molloy's, which was pretty crowded and mildly entertaining. A six on the one-to-ten scale, I'd say. One issue was the amount of wind down there (not inside Molloy's, but on the walkway), causing all this sand to be whipped around in the air, ending up in teeth and eyeballs and whatnot--not so fun. Saturday night was a place called the Boa Lounge on Sunset, where I saw Johnnie Morton right when I walked in. Hollywood takes entirely too much effort (driving, parking, et al), but it was actually pretty fun. Definitely some attractive females in the building, but the majority of the clientele seemed a little too trendy for my tastes. I don't think I relish the fact that I'm in the "industry" at all, because I certainly don't identify with the image associated with most producers. I don't even identify with most of the industry-types at Bel Air, which has pretty much become completely invaded by entertainment people. Speaking of the house on the hill, I was able to attend the 11 a.m. service Sunday (a good sermon from Roger Dermody, a former seminary pal of one Kevin Sheldahl), and briefly met up with some friends before heading down to play some Brentwood ball. Went undefeated at the B for the second straight week, then jetted out a bit early to watch as much Tiger as possible. Golf is so much better when he's winning, without question. The only two tournaments I've watched on Sunday this year have been Tiger vs. Phil at the Doral and now the Masters. I hope this means that he's all the way back and ready to make a run at least one more major this year, because there something different about watching him win (or even just compete at the top) as opposed to Lefty, Vijay or Ernie. Had a chance for a very brief phone conversation with the last-weekend girl (she'll get a name when her relative signifance merits it) before our game, which ended up being one of the more boring affairs of the campaign thus far. Two straight weeks I've felt like I wanted to play another hour after the game was over, this time because we pressed our way to a 30-something-point win, never even thinking about being challenged (I think it was 15-2 at one point). One more regular-season game (the rematch with the squad which dealt us our first defeat, albeit a Chad-less one) and then the playoffs, so hopefully we're peaking at the right time. Anyone who's never had a chance to play consistently with the Seaster Bunny, er, Rob Seastrom, is missing out big time. Trust me.
With b***ball temporarily on the unable-to-discuss list (it's sitting out while I appeal the suspension), I suppose we can use a little hoops up in here. At halftime of the Laker game last night (another loss, what a surprise), they honored the 1985 World Championship team, the first visiting team ever to win a title in Boston Garden, and the first of three titles in four years for that Showtime group. Pretty much everyone was there: West, Riles, Kareem, Magic, Big Game James, Byron, Coop, Silk, Rambis, McAdoo, Mitch and even Larry Spriggs. At least they got to watch a good team play--Phoenix. Those Suns are probably the best fastbreak team since the Showtime Lakers, though the early-90's Blazers weren't bad. It's a sad state of affairs in the NBA (and Sports Guy agrees with this point) that when a point guard--Nash--actually plays the position like it's meant to be played, it's time to anoint him as the MVP. He's had a great year, obviously, but in the 80's there were ten guys a year who played like that, and only Magic was ever deserving of the trophy.
Good jam session with Bernie last night, playing ridiculous stuff like "Kiss From a Rose" and the Growing Pains theme song in addition to some Blink 182, Hootie and other assorted favorites. The guitar bug is returning, and that's a good thing.
Basketball line of the night: George Karl's on the show tonight, so I'm a little biased (plus the Clippers didn't play), but Carmelo was awesome. 32 points (on 12-of-16 shooting) and 9 rebounds, helping those Nug-pups clinch a playoff spot for the second straight year, something that was nowhere near a foregone conclusion when George Karl took over for Jeff Bzdelik earlier in the season. They've now won 22 of 24 (both losses were to Phoenix), which is absurd.
Getting ready for Peavy vs. Prior in a couple hours (they both play the sport we won't mention, and one of them is the star ball-thrower for my favored squad), but I can't talk about it. Peace.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Musical Motivation

"When the rain comes you blame it on the things that you have done
When the storm fades you know that rain must fall on everyone
So rest awhile, It'll be alright
No one loves you like I do"
--When the Rain Comes, Third Day

In accordance with my weekend discovery, I spent some time playing guitar again yesterday (the above Third Day tune was on the playlist) and once again emerged invigorated by the musical interlude. I have a notebook about three years thick full of songs, something I haven't updated in years, but at one time or another I enjoyed playing every song in there, so I just flipped through and played stuff that looked good, especially some of that unplugged Clapton. In bible study on Wednesday night we talked about the different gifts that God has given each one of us (based on the Ephesians passage specifically mentioning apostles, prophets, pastors and teachers), and I definitely consider myself jealous of the gifts he gave Eric Clapton. I know he didn't write every song he sings, but the ones he did are beautiful and the way he plays is unbelievable. It's obvious that none of my gifts are as vast as that, but seeing (or hearing) someone who's the best at what they do (I spent about two hours yesterday at work watching MJ highlights, so that's the same sort of thing) just inspires me to continue working my arse off to be the best at what I do. If the body of Christ (the figurative one, like all the believers) is made up of people excited about their gifts and excited about maximizing them for the glory of God, the world's gonna fast become a more wonderful place. There's my spiritual meditation for the morning, inspired (as many things are) by music.
Sitting in the locker room at 24-Hour Fitness this morning, I overheard (not that I had to try) a conversation between three or four guys about incest. Yeah, that word probably took you by surprise, much as it did me. Not your typical Friday morning topic, I don't think. One of the guys asserted that the United States is one of the few countries that does not permit first cousins to marry; that Canada, England and a host of others do not at all prohibit that practice. In addition, about half of the states in the U.S. allow second cousins to marry; half don't (you can join me in the assumption that West Virginia and Kentucky fall into the former category). There was discussion about the validity of genetic studies finding an increased risk of birth defects when cousins marry, and one of the guys dismissed it as only a .5% (or .005) increase, which is quite minimal. Here's my question, which obviously went unasked for the duration of this conversation: Who are the people caring about this issue? Are there really not enough members of the opposite sex out there that people need to keep it in the family? If you have to ask questions about the lineage and the blood relationship and uncles and aunts, you really shouldn't be dating in the first place, much less getting married. Now I know the readership of this blog is limited, so I'm assuming that these questions remain rhetorical to you all--that nobody actually has a response to this that would make any sense. I had a cute cousin once, but she's not my cousin anymore, and technically never was by blood. However, there is not a single fiber of my being that would come even close to asking her out, because you just don't do that. It's like Jerry in the "menage" episode of Seinfeld, when he talked about how he couldn't be an orgy guy: "I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a moustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains. I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends." In similar fashion, you'd have to move to West Virginia (or its California counterpart, the 909), definitely grow a mustache (I just checked the spelling of this and evidently "moustache" is also okay), probably buy an RV, start watching more NASCAR and get new friends--incest friends. You also might need a new name, perhaps something like "Ron Mexico." This, by the way, is the funniest thing I've read in a long, long time, and I can't imagine the thought process on the part of Vick or one of his associates that led to the creation of this moniker. Hilarious. Anyways, sorry to spend so long on this (and to go from spiritual gifts into incest--weird transition), but it disturbed me to hear this conversation, so I'm just sharing the pain.
Basketball games sucked last night (including the Mavs' 36-point thrashing of the Spurs and the Lakers' 13th loss in 14 games, ensuring them a losing record for the first time in forever), so I'm going to baseball for the line of the night (we'll see if this one becomes as regionally biased--the answer is yes). My boy Jake Peavy enjoyed a tremendous start to his season, but the offense couldn't get him a win (thankfully we scored in the 12th and got the victory anyway, but Peavy's great night went unrewarded). Last year's NL ERA champ went 6 2/3, gave up just four hits and walked two, striking out 10. Pirates starter Mark (don't call me Matt) Redman pretty much matched him, but only struck out three in his six innings, so he gets nothing.
Shearer update: He scored the game's only goal on a nice header off a Laurent Robert free kick, giving Newcastle a one-nil (it's a score, so I should use numbers, but writing it out is an homage to the game of all games) win over Sporting Lisbon (Portugal) in first leg of the UEFA Cup quarterfinals. The brawling teammates (Kieron Dyer and Lee Bowyer) both played, ironically with one being subbed on for the other, perhaps to avoid any repeat occurrences.
The weekend brings lunch with the grandmother (a yearly duty), a pair of social functions (one of which is at a place called the Boa Lounge--sounds a little too upscale for me, but we'll see), the Galaxy home opener (Landon Donovan's debut for the juniper and gold), one or two visits to Bel Air, some pick-up hoops and the penultimate game of our rec league regular season. I think we're 5-2 and looking for a little momentum heading into the playoffs.
By the way, I actually wrote more this morning, but we had like ten power surges in the office and I lost stuff way too many times to retype. Oh well, a pleasant weekend to all...

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Getting Smaller

"He said, 'I am but one small instrument'
Do you remember that?
So here I am above palm trees so straight and tall
You are smaller, getting smaller
But I still see you"
--Goodbye Sky Harbor, Jimmy Eat World

Another great song off Clarity, about which I learned something cool this morning. The song evidently refers to the end of a great book I read last year, John Irving's "A Prayer for Owen Meany." The mention of the book reminds me that I forgot to list two books in my "recent read" category the other day: Buster Olney's "The Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty" and "Fever Pitch" by Nick Hornby. The latter, as you are no doubt aware, has become a brand new Fox movie, starring Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore. We had Fallon and Johnny Damon (also in the film) on the show yesterday from the premiere at Fenway Park, which was nothing more than another lame excuse for that entire city to get together and celebrate one more time. And even with all the attention that the Red Sox connection has given this movie, it still sucks. Fallon is funny, but his funny only really works on talk shows and on SNL, where he broke character in every single sketch. You can't really do that in movies, and he looks like he's rehearsing the whole time, which isn't a good thing. Another reason they shouldn't have made this movie (besides Fallon's lack of acting ability): they already made this movie, in 1997, and it was very good. The screenplay for that one was written by Hornby, so there was little deviation from the original story, and Arsenal (one of England's four biggest soccer clubs) was the object of the main character's obsession. I'm sure Hornby made plenty of money off this adaptation, but it really didn't need to happen. Maybe I'm biased because I like soccer and because I really liked the original, but it's quite upsetting that such a bad movie has to bear the same title. Oh well.
While I'm thinking about it, a few other movies that never should have been remade:
- Godzilla: Matthew Broderick and Hank Azaria couldn't save this disaster. Godzilla is meant for over-the-top foreign films, poorly voiced-over English, awful special effects and thousands of fleeing Japanese people. He's not supposed to be realistic (and by trying to do so, they just made it worse). I'm still pretty upset that I spent my hard-earned money on this in the theater (it was 1998, so I'm not actually sure how hard-earned that money was, but I'll stick with it), but at least it kept me from wasting money on it as a rental later on.
- Psycho: I do love Vince Vaughn, but Anne Heche really scares me, and not in a horror-movie-should-scare-you kind of way. The main problem I have with this is that it was a shot-for-shot duplicate of the original, which means they didn't really RE-make anything! If you're going to go to the trouble of remaking a movie, at least put your own personal touch on it. If it doesn't need changing, then you probably don't need to remake it in the first place. Hitchcock was a genius, don't mess with it.
- Rollerball: Now I never saw the original, but I'm taking Sports Guy's word that it was a pretty good movie. And I know from the eight minutes or less that I caught of the new one that it is not at all a good movie. If something's going to be redone, it really needs to be good, making people forget about the original, or at least willing to compare the two ("The Italian Job," for example). Also, you really should know your movie's going to suck when the early part of the credits include the words "Chris" and "Klein."
- The Shining: Did this really happen? Did they really try to cast the "Wings" guy as Jack Torrance? I'm not buying Brian Hackett (definitely had to IMDB that one--the only character name I remember from the show is Lowell) chopping through the door and sneering, "Here's Johnny!" Jack Nicholson is the master of such things, and was amazing in the original, which certainly can stand on its own. I guess Stephen King gave permission for a remake, but it's a decision I'm sure he regrets. Bad form.
A delayed line of the night from Shaun Livingston (and the Clipper-centric nature of this award continues to expand), putting up 17 points, 8 rebounds, 9 assists (only 1 turnover) and 6 steals in the Clippers' second consecutive road win, 104-102 over the Bobcats. And oh yeah, by the way, he hit the game-winner with one second left after Brevin Knight had tied it with a trey. Lots of good things on the horizon for this guy, for sure. I sure wish he was a Laker...
Last night's line would belong to AI, who torched those same B-Cats for 48, 7 rebounds and 8 assists. Probably the second-best 6-foot player in the history of the game (Isiah being No. 1, but only because he's got championships), he's keeping the Sixers in the playoffs pretty much on his own. If I may break some grammar rules: He's literally putting Philadelphia on his back, and literally carrying the team right now.
A delayed congratulations to that vaunted Dodger defense, obviously improved substantially by the additions of Jose Valentin and Jeff Kent. At least they didn't need any defense yesterday; they just need Tyler Walker to pitch to them every day. The guy who's supposed to fill in for Gagne (nice ejection last night, by the way), Brazoban, was less than impressive in his work, but I'm sure they'll be fine. Pads rebounded from the opening day heartbreak to pound Colorado, getting a big day from B-Giles and a second consecutive solid game from Xavier Nady, who's only starting until Dave Roberts gets healthy. Looking forward to the division race...
Baseball numbers came out yesterday. Yankees total salaries: $199.77 million. D-Rays total salaries: $29.9 million. MLB average salary: $2.6 million. Seems pretty ridiculous, until you consider that the NBA average is $4.9. So why is the NFL the best league in all of sports? Average salary $1.33 million. It's not about the players, it's about the game...

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Walk Off

"I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea"
--Mr. Brightside, The Killers

Ouch. Opening day is supposed to be all about new beginnings and excitement and optimism, and with one Trevor Hoffman fastball, it all came crashing down. Clint Barmes (who?!?) hit a walk-off, two-run homer off Hoff-daddy to beat the Padres in Colorado, and a great comeback effort from my Friars was wasted. The middle relievers (Linebrink and Otsuka) played well, but Trevor's collapse was hard to handle. I'm moving on...
Great championship game, one of the best in quite some time. Carolina definitely deserved to win, but Illinois fought back--with the three, like they've done all season--and provided a quality finish. Sean May made himself a ton of money last night, but he evidently said that he'll be back next season, which is a little like Matt Leinart returning from a national championship, All-American year. If Marvin Williams sticks around as well, they'll be tough to beat again next year (though Duke brings back Redick and hopefully Williams to go with three McDonald's All-Americans).
No line of the night from the NBA, so over the weekend it's gotta go to Elton Brand. I'm obviously regionally-biased, but when the Clippers pick up a road win, respect's gotta be given. EB finished with 33 and 12 to give the Clips just their eighth win on the road this season. By the way, Lakers in Phoenix tonight. I'm already feeling the pain. Okay, I'm done with hoops for now...
So after 15 months on the job, I finally managed to get Newcastle United into the show. I do a piece every Monday now called "In Case You Missed It," which brings to light a few stories from the weekend that may have flown beneath the radar. In this case, I included a fight from the Newcastle United-Aston Villa game Saturday, an event not uncommon in English soccer matches, except for one thing: the fight was between two teammates. Kieron Dyer (who I really like) and Lee Bowyer (who I don't much care for) got into it in the second half and both were red-carded. It's unfortunate that I had to portray my squad in such a negative light, but I'm taking baby steps here. Next year, I'm vowing that Alan Shearer's farewell tour will be a feature (by the way, Big Al announced that he's coming back for one more year, meaning I have time before I need to travel back there and see him play--I was on the verge of booking a May 15th trip to see them play Chelsea in the Premier League season finale, but I can put it off now for another year).
A couple of cool things from the weekend:
- Kendall Payne leading worship at Bel Air on Sunday morning, which was a welcome change of pace from T.J. and a very apparent difference in the tone and role of the music. She's a great singer (and songwriter) and did an amazing job.
- We have a new roommate (still keeping fingers crossed), with a month's rent already in the bank. Craig's List works, evidently, and he seems like a good dude: Jason Hoover, an Auburn guy.
- First guitar session in quite some time Saturday night with Ryan, and it's about time. Didn't even get to play that much, but anything was better than the void of music that's been in existence for far too long. Proceeded to have a nice long musical (and otherwise) conversation with this girl Sarah, which only reinforced the desire to be playing more.
- Attended a UCLA baseball game Friday night and saw my boy Will pick up three hits (including two doubles), walk once, steal a base (third, after one of his doubles) and knock in a run. Unfortunately, the rest of his teammates couldn't keep pace and a seventh-inning Arizona grand slam proved too much to overcome. Reading the article on the UCLA website, it was noted that Will posted his team-leading ninth multi-hit game of the season. Way to go, buddy.
- You can never really know about a girl right after you've met her for the first time, but I think it's a good sign when you're still thinking (at least a little bit) about her three days later.
There seem to be rumors abounding regarding a period of my life in which I wore Tevas, though I'm strenuously denying all such assertions. Reefs for quite some time and now Rainbows, but Tevas, really? I've got nothing against the rock-climbers and hikers of the world, but I just don't think that's my thing.
Yesterday was craziness, glad I'm able to relax a little bit this morning and write, but sorry it's still shorter than usual. I'll be better, I promise.